Happy Birthday to my bestest friend Stephanie

Today is my best friend's 20th birthday. We have been friends since we met at age five. She will never know how much she means to me. Stephanie you are the best friend a girl could have!!! I remember when we would go to each others houses and play our imaginary games about princesses, and star wars. The time when we had a sleepover with me you and Hannah at your house, and we thought we saw batman outside the window and we were so scared. Makes me laugh to think about it, me pinching y'all with my toes and us giggling and laughing. I miss our little birthday parties from when we were kids. I remember us getting in trouble at the nursing home with your parents, because we were giggling and reading books during the preaching service, and afterwards while at the grocery store we tasted the coffee beans cause they smell soooooooooooo good!!! Haha we spit those out immediately :) Our little clubs we started, where we would both be the leader so neither of us would be mad. Our rules about being kind, and always being obedient to our parents...our innocent little minds, so precious. You taught me how to crochet, and use your little weaving loom, you taught me how to be kind, and polite(my mama always commented on how well behaved you were and it made me jealous of the attention, so I would try to be better heehee, it worked!) you have always treated me with respect, and have been so honest with me, and i love you for it. You are one person who I can trust with anything. And when my family moved here to Texas, I missed you dearly, but our friendship was more than just childish playing, because it lasted even through all the miles we were apart. I keep the letters from you in my keepsake box(i'm working on a scrapbook for them now I have some from when we were like six). And when your family finally came to see us, and we had not seen each other in years, we said we wont let it be weird! We will be just as good of friends as when we were  little, and we were! Staying up til way too late talking about everything under the sun, from boys to food, to talking about our futures and what would happen in our lives, what we hoped for, and what we planned. The next time we saw each other was after a few more years, and that's just how it has been, every couple of years we see each other, older, wiser, but still the best of friends. Last time I saw you was at your wedding as I stood by you as your maid of honor(makes me want to cry when I think of what an honor that really was) you being so grown up, with the love of your life, ready to begin your lives together. I remember thinking, If he hurts her, I am going to punch him right in the face lol. But lucky for him he has treated you good, and has taken care of you and little Amelia. I so cant wait to meet her, if she is anything like you I know she is a wonderful child. The next time I see you we will once again be a little older, a little wiser, and have more life experience, but we will still be the best of friends, always and forever, and when we get to Heaven we can live right next door to each other, I'm sure if we ask Him God will let us, lol. So I have said all this to say, Happy Birthday Stephanie Marie, you are the greatest friend.

the confusion of my mind

so last night, as bryan and i were lying in bed watching tv, we were being silly and trying to lick each other's noses(our favorite game lol) and he says, this is the lizzy i like best :) so i was like, what do you mean? i'm the same lizzy all the time. he said, noooooo sometimes you are happy lizzy, and thats the lizzy i like best, but sometimes you are silly lizzy, and grumpy lizzy, and scary lizzy and when you are like that its like you aren't yourself (i dont get the scary  one...but he says when i'm upset i have a scary mean face lol i think its his imaginiation)also he said i am the bomb lizzy, and amazing lizzy, and lovey lizzy, and sweet lizzy and kind lizzy, and super awesome lizzy...lol i just made up the last ones if you couldn't tell(i'm in a silly mood right now, and for some reason i am LOVING parentheses. i even like the way its spelled lol) ..but the first ones are the ones he said. and i was like no, i dont act that different when i'm in different moods...but then when i think about it...maybe ya i guess sometimes i'm different. in fact i know for  a fact i'm different when i'm in weird moods, i just dont like to admit it. its like weakness or something...a weakness i dont want. i want to be completely composed all the time, but i just keep failing at that. am i the only one??? when i think about me being grumpy, wow ya i'm kind of unpleasant to be around, and my brothers and sisters used to laugh at me when i would get mad and tell me i looked funny, so that must be the scary face.(some say my nostrills flare...and that is pretty creepy i saw it in the mirror once.) i dont understand why sometimes i can stay calm and act like a grown up, but then the next thing i know....here i am going off in some weird mood...having a bad attitude...being grumpy.. and really that isnt me!!!! i feel like i'm happy most all the time. bryan and i were talking to brady the other night about how to controll the way we act when things upset us.
most of the time i can just tell myself it doesnt matter and i stay happy, and in a good mood. but here is what i dont understand, i told brady just the other day, if you are having a bad day, vent to someone who will listen, take care of it at that time and you will feel better, and when you are having a bad day just tell yourself to be happy...thats what i usually do. but what do you know the day right after that i had trouble at work....and sure i controlled myself while at work, but on lunch break i just broke down and cried, and was so upset, and grumpy too. so bryan being so sweet tries to remind me of what i just told brady the day before, and i decided i'm a hypocrite cause i just couldnt do it. i just needed to be upset for a while. now how can i say one thing, and then go off and do the complete opposite???? i absoultely hate that :( so ya....this was kind of just mumblejumble thoughts of mine poorly put together, dont judge me lol :)

This morning my mama texted me that my seventeen year old little sister Hannah was having her wisdom teeth removed, and did that bring back any memories for me. So like I always do, I started talking to Bryan about my memories, and my childhood, and younger teenage years...I definitely do remember having my wisdom teeth removed. The week before  my mother and I had visited the dentist  to get my x-rays, he told me that I looked like my mom. No one had ever told me that before and it made me sooooo happy!!! My whole life I have been told I look like my dad, people who knew him  that I hadnt even met knew I was his daughter because of how much I look like him. Now as a little girl who wants to be pretty and cute, its not so good for your self esteem when you are continually told that you look like a grown man with a beard. So as you can imagine it made me feel so wonderful to finally be told that I look like my mama :)


I wrote that yesterday. but i didnt post it. :P so think of that as written yesterday and not today.