Friday, August 19, 2011

the confusion of my mind

so last night, as bryan and i were lying in bed watching tv, we were being silly and trying to lick each other's noses(our favorite game lol) and he says, this is the lizzy i like best :) so i was like, what do you mean? i'm the same lizzy all the time. he said, noooooo sometimes you are happy lizzy, and thats the lizzy i like best, but sometimes you are silly lizzy, and grumpy lizzy, and scary lizzy and when you are like that its like you aren't yourself (i dont get the scary  one...but he says when i'm upset i have a scary mean face lol i think its his imaginiation)also he said i am the bomb lizzy, and amazing lizzy, and lovey lizzy, and sweet lizzy and kind lizzy, and super awesome lizzy...lol i just made up the last ones if you couldn't tell(i'm in a silly mood right now, and for some reason i am LOVING parentheses. i even like the way its spelled lol) ..but the first ones are the ones he said. and i was like no, i dont act that different when i'm in different moods...but then when i think about it...maybe ya i guess sometimes i'm different. in fact i know for  a fact i'm different when i'm in weird moods, i just dont like to admit it. its like weakness or something...a weakness i dont want. i want to be completely composed all the time, but i just keep failing at that. am i the only one??? when i think about me being grumpy, wow ya i'm kind of unpleasant to be around, and my brothers and sisters used to laugh at me when i would get mad and tell me i looked funny, so that must be the scary face.(some say my nostrills flare...and that is pretty creepy i saw it in the mirror once.) i dont understand why sometimes i can stay calm and act like a grown up, but then the next thing i know....here i am going off in some weird mood...having a bad attitude...being grumpy.. and really that isnt me!!!! i feel like i'm happy most all the time. bryan and i were talking to brady the other night about how to controll the way we act when things upset us.
most of the time i can just tell myself it doesnt matter and i stay happy, and in a good mood. but here is what i dont understand, i told brady just the other day, if you are having a bad day, vent to someone who will listen, take care of it at that time and you will feel better, and when you are having a bad day just tell yourself to be happy...thats what i usually do. but what do you know the day right after that i had trouble at work....and sure i controlled myself while at work, but on lunch break i just broke down and cried, and was so upset, and grumpy too. so bryan being so sweet tries to remind me of what i just told brady the day before, and i decided i'm a hypocrite cause i just couldnt do it. i just needed to be upset for a while. now how can i say one thing, and then go off and do the complete opposite???? i absoultely hate that :( so ya....this was kind of just mumblejumble thoughts of mine poorly put together, dont judge me lol :)

2 comments:

  1. I loved this. Everybody has to get their frustrations, disappointments, and anger out. You cannot be happy all the time, and with a couple of our co-workers, it's hard to be happy at all. But, the way we can beat them is to be happy IN SPITE of them. I'll try to do this if you will. And if we just keep working hard, and we keep a good attitude (I have to get mine back), maybe we'll still be there when everyone else is gone. After all, I have outlasted a lot of people in that department, and so far, you have outlasted at least one that I know of....you're on a roll. We will just have to keep reminding each other. Work is just work, not who we are....and it doesn't really matter if anyone at work likes us or not, as long as the people at home still love us!!!

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  2. awww cindy you are so sweet :) and you are right!! we can do it!!! btw i love getting to talk to you for the few minutes before you get off work

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